I’m Dani, a single mom in my early 40’s with children and my husband was extremely abusive.
My husband was physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive. And If that wasn't enough, he was also addicted to porn. He would stay up all night looking for women online to have sex with. It destroyed my dignity and my self-esteem.
He broke things and hit me a lot but the worst part for me wasn't the broken things but the fact that he’d do it in front of our kids. I wanted to call the police, but I was scared because I didn’t know how I would feed my children and myself as I didn’t have a paying job. I also didn’t want my boys to have the memory of seeing their father being arrested.
He also had severe anger management issues. I remember one time It was a cold and wet winter and he had gotten angry with our 10 year old son. I couldn’t let him hit our son, so I told the children, "run to your bedroom and close the door.” But he was possessed by anger, so he punched the door open, and the boys jumped out of their windows, pajamas, and socks only. I ran outside and searched everywhere for them, but I couldn’t find them. When I finally found them hiding behind the bushes, they were in tears. They were cold, wet, muddy, and scared like two little puppies. They begged me to leave dad and move somewhere else.
I got both, put them in my car (I use to keep an emergency bag in my car with clothes, shoes, blanket, etc.) and drove away. As I was leaving, I could hear the noise of him breaking things in my house.
That same afternoon I took my boys to their soccer practice. Their father was there talking and laughing with another parent. My youngest son said: “look, mom, how happy dad is. I would like to go there and tell him what he did to us today.”
When we returned home, my youngest had a piece of glass in his small hands, and in tears said: “mom, let’s fix this… I have so many memories here”. I grabbed the glass from his hands and, disguising my tears told him: “don’t you worry, mommy will buy you another similar to this one.”
On another occasion, we were visiting my in-law's home on the 15th floor of a building when he fell down with my son. He then violently grabbed him by the shoulders and punched his head so hard into the brick wall that when he came to me, he was dizzy and falling into my arms. My boy couldn’t bear the shame of what his father had done to him in front of his grandma, so he thought about killing himself by jumping down the 15th floor.
Every day was a fight but weekends were the worst. He would invite us to go somewhere in his car and then start a fight. While in his car, we couldn’t escape from him, we were trapped, and there was nothing I could do. So, we stopped riding with him and instead, I’d take the children to a park. Meanwhile, he would lock himself up in his room and look for someone to have virtual sex with. He was also having an affair. At that point, I had had enough and filed for divorce.
I have suffered so much abuse and loss of dignity that I could write a book on it, but now I’m looking forward to a better future for my children and me.
I found out in The Power course that abuse is real, but victimhood is made up.
I lived as a victim with no power for too long. My context was only of a woman in survival mode. I couldn’t see anything else beyond surviving and protecting my boys. I said enough of being a victim and regained my power.
I wouldn’t have been able to do this without out the support of Mamasola. Thank you.